Does the Magic Feel like Home?

"Where the Magic Feels like Home" a song from Mickey's Magical Friendship Faire. It's a song I've had the privilege of listening to sometimes up to 5 times a day during my shifts on Main Street.

I'm having a crisis. 

What do you do when you're living out your childhood dreams but they're not making you as happy as you feel they should?

What do you do when the magic [at Disney World] does not feel like home?

Where do you go when everyone in the world goes to Disney to escape their problems but Disney is at the heart of many of your problems?

Ever since I found out about the Disney College Program (circa age 10-13) it's been my dream to do it. It took me applying 4ish times to finally get accepted but here I am!! I did it!! I'm doing the Disney College Program!! Years of anticipation have built up to this but... I'm not loving it here. I work in Outdoor Vending at Magic Kingdom. It's not easy work. You have to deal with hundreds of demanding, cranky guests a day in the blazing Florida heat while trying to maintain a pleasant demeanor yourself, and then once the guests all leave the park you have to spend hours cleaning popcorn kettles and assembling drink wagons and making cotton candy and waiting for your coordinators to check your work and scooping cheeseburger spring roll sauce and and and... ... ... People ask me if working at Disney has ruined the magic of Disney and to that I answer no. Seeing how much hard work goes in to make the magic of Disney has made me appreciate it more, if anything. But on top of the demanding work I've been doing to make guests happy, some of my coworkers are maybe the most selfish people I've ever met. I tell people I feel like I'm living in Mean Girls. People gossip about, backstab, sleep with, lie to, cuss out, name call, and spread rumors about each other everyday. I truly feel like I've seen some of the worst of humanity here compared to what I've seen in the rest of my 26 years living on this earth. Yeah I'm nice to everyone and try to be a friendly workplace acquaintance with everyone and give them the benefit of the doubt when I hear nasty things about them but I don't really know who I can trust. Supposedly the fact that I'm living at Disney World and can go to any of its 4 theme parks, 2 water parks, 20+ resorts, and Disney Springs whenever I want to is supposed to make this all worth it, but it don't be feeling like it's worth it sometimes.

I deeply miss my mountain home Utah. It gets cool there at night (even in the summer), the people are nice to each other in their daily interactions with one another, it doesn't always take 30 minutes in the car to get places, I have a rather large support system, my family's there, you can go hiking, the grass is made for sitting on and playing in, it's home to Trader Joe's Orem, and it feels like home there.

So if you've been keeping score:

Working at Disney has been a childhood dream of mine and I'm doing it! (W)

I currently don't love working at Disney. (L)

I really miss home. (L)

So naturally you'd think that once my program is over I'd be making a beeline for Utah, right? I wish that were right. Despite everything that feels wrong and horrible here in Florida, I've been feeling like I need to stay even longer. By all means it makes no sense logically but who's to argue with gut feelings? (Apparently I am to argue with gut feelings, because I've really been wrestling with all these thoughts and feelings lately a la Enos 1:2). 

Like a good Latter-day Saint girl does, I took my conflicting thoughts and feelings to the temple to ponder on them this week. And while I did not feel that I received an exact answer in the temple, I felt prompted to listen to a conference talk on my way home. Not any particular conference just A Conference Talk. I ended up turning on "Just Keep Going -- With Faith" by Elder Carl B. Cook from the April 2023 general conference. In that talk, Elder Cook references Zoram, who when faced with the choice of joining Nephi and his family in their journey across the wilderness felt like running but did end up joining Nephi and Lehi and the gang while leaving Jerusalem behind to be destroyed. Elder Cook also talked about an instance he participated in a stake conference with Elder L. Tom Perry presiding. Elder Perry surprised Elder Cook by having him give 3 talks in one meeting. Elder Cook said while he felt like running after that, he stuck around. Elder Perry had him speak 3 more times in the next meeting and once more in the meeting after that. Elder Cook said that even though he felt like he was running on empty after his first couple of talks, the Lord helped him come up with things to say and he finished the stake conference with faith. SO IS THAT MY ANSWER?? Even though I want to run far far away from this place do I need to stay with faith that Heavenly Father has some sort of a plan for me that will be good for me in the long run?? 

The last time I felt strongly prompted to do something I didn't really want to do (move to New Hampshire for 3 months to work at Camp Wicosuta for girls as an accounting intern) I never really felt like I figured out why I felt so strongly prompted to do so. I had a depressed, lonely summer up there and I felt like all I figured out was that I didn't want to major in accounting and that I feel most at home on the west coast.

In conclusion, when looking at my life and the decisions I have to make right now, I feel a bit like Kronk in this scene of Emperor's New Groove. 

Self-Inflicted College Experience Reflection Assignment

 I'm an experience design and management major which means I've learned a lot about what makes a good experience in the past two years.

One of the first things they teach us in our program is the peak-end rule as defined in the book The Power of Moments by Chip & Dan Heath. The peak-end rule states that people rate experiences, “based on two key moments: (1) the best or worst moments, known as the “peak”; and (2) the ending.”

In my program, I've also learned the power of reflection. During the past three years of my college experience, I've completed 29+ different reflection assignments.  Due to these frequent reflection assignments, it has become second nature for me to reflect on an experience as it comes to its close. Therefore, I had the idea to write this reflection post on my walk home from school on the last day of classes winter semester 2022. I present: a reflection on the macro peak experiences of my college experience at BYU.

Pit: freshman year depression

Pit: freshman year anxiety

Pit: not feeling like I fit in freshman year

Pit: my BYU Store job

Pit: poor grades freshman year

Peak: Russian 101

Peak: coming home from my mission and finally feeling like I had a few familiar faces and friends on campus

Pit: post-mission depression

Peak: Multicultural America class

Peak: getting 100% on one of my history essays

Pit: getting a C+ in Accounting 310

Peak: getting a B in Econ 110 during COVID semester

Peak: getting accepted to both the EXDM and IS programs

Peak: making friends in the EXDM program and finally feeling like I had a place where I felt I belong at BYU

Peak: zoom chat

Peak: my first 4.0 semester

Pit: getting sent to the Honor Code Office with 4 other classmates by a professor

Peak: winning two class competitions

Pit/Peak (Pik?): recovering from Honor Code Office PTSD

Peak: the Provo YSA 5th ward

Peak: finally getting a school scholarship my senior year

Peak: TAing for Dr. Sarah Agate Taylor

Peak: emotional intelligence class

Pit: anticipatory graduation depression

Pit: my friends planning their own graduation reception instead of supporting the one I'm planning for the EXDM department

Once again referring to the peak-end rule, I will remember my BYU Experience based on the most intense best or worst moment as well as the ending of my experience. For me, the most dramatic best/worst moment was getting sent to the Honor Code Office. The ending is yet to come, but today, it's not looking like it's gonna be good. 

Questionnaire - Where Do You See Yourself In 10 Years?

 1: Your pen name

2: Your motto

3: 3 characters that remind you of you

4: Favorite princess

5: Favorite prince

6: Time waster

7: Cutest song that comes to mind

8: What you most look forward to

9: Favorite type of shoe

10: What you'll be doing in ten years

1: Isabel Andrus. I. Andrus? Isabasil? Isa Basil?

2: I don't have a motto but I do have a favorite scripture. Moroni 7:33. Maybe my motto is "Listen to your body" or "Do your best and God will do the rest"

3: Nancy Drew, Rapunzel, Violet Incredible

4: Rapunzel

5: Flynn Rider

6: TikTok

7: For some reason "Lucky" by Jason Mraz first came to mind. But after more consideration, "Stay Stay Stay" by Taylor Swift

8: Making so many friends in the future!!

9: Adidas shell tops or crocs

10: 34, hopefully raising children and/or pursuing a successful career and supporting a great husband.

Clean Program Review Week 3

 Soooooooooooo my cleanse ends tonight. Here's a review of what the Clean Program website promises vs. what I actually experienced:

"Week 01

During the first week, your body will be adjusting to eliminating dietary triggers and sensitivities. You will quite likely feel tired and sluggish as your body detoxes."

Did I feel tired and sluggish? I definitely felt this. I was super pooped and had some nasty headaches week one and even going into week 2 a little. 

"Week 02

After working through the initial detox, you will start feeling more energy and begin sleeping more soundly."

Did I feel like I had more energy? No. 

Did I sleep more soundly? Not necessarily. I'm a pretty heavy sleeper so I felt like I was sleeping about the same. I was expecting to need less sleep than I had been getting though. I was getting between 8-10 hours of sleep every night, and I still felt like I needed about that much.

"Week 03

This is where you start to feel lighter, more energized, and clear-headed. You've officially habitualized this clean lifestyle and won't want to give it up anytime soon."

Do I feel lighter? I think my muffin tops diminished a bit, but I was still consistently bloated throughout the three weeks. (Part of that could be due to the fact that I started my period today:( But I think my body would have been bloated regardless? My stomach is just too messed up to appreciate any food I try to feed it) 

Do I feel more energized? No. I feel about the same. 

Do I feel more clear-headed? Ehhhhh I haven't had much brain fog but I don't feel supernaturally clear-headed. You catch my drift? 

Have I officially habitualized this clean lifestyle and don't want to give it up anytime soon? I'd say yes! The biggest blessing to come out of this cleanse is that I am able to swallow without choking on anything!! When I was diagnosed with eosinophilic esophagitis 5.5 years ago, my GE told me that my triggers were gluten and sugar. After a year of struggling, I cut gluten out of my diet, because that seemed to more dramatically trigger my EOE when compared to sugar. Ever since I was diagnosed I have tried to cut sugar out of my diet, but have never made it more than a week without it... until now! I've felt less moody, and contribute that to the lack of sugar I've ingested the past three weeks. I also have felt less phlegm build up in my throat after I eat. For years, I've had to cough after I eat because I get so phlegm-y eating anything, and while I still haven't been 100% phlegm free after meals, I've had less. 

Clean Program Review Week 2

 Day 8 (Friday) - Bloated and gassy today!! TMI? No one read this but me anyway so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ my bloat level fluctuated throughout the day. I started taking supplements once a day... excited to see how these help. And lunch today was the most delicious thing I’ve ever eaten. Maybe I was just extra hungry but that vegan pesto brown rice pasta with chicken sausage and watermelon and Tuscan melon was TO DIE FOR!! Holy cow!! I also started thinking to myself today, “man, elimination diets are fun. They get you eating creatively!” I did walk down the dessert aisle today at the grocery store and stare longingly at the gluten free brownie mixes, but I’m enjoying myself and having fun with this cleanse! *thumbs up emoji*

Day 9 (Saturday) - less bloated? A tad gassy. Some discomfort in my stomach. But my mental gut told me that the discomfort was just coming from my stomach still adjusting to the new mix of nutrients Im eating and not necessarily a reaction to what i was eating, if that makes sense??A little more frustrated with my current dietary restrictions this day. My Trader Joe’s sold out of vegan pesto before I could buy some and I was sad:(

Day 10 (Sunday) - still some stomach discomfort. I made some chocolate hummus yesterday using this recipe. For one of the ingredients I used a mixed nut butter that contains hazelnuts... and I've known for a while that I was allergic to hazelnuts but man. I could feel it yesterday and today as I was eating it. I think the Clean Program diet has made me more aware of what causes me digestive discomfort. I also weighed myself today! No, weight loss is not one of the main targets of the Clean Program, but it does happen when all you're eating is fruits, veggies, and chicken ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I didn't weigh myself before I started the Clean Program cause I'm not super into that (that being weighing myself) but judging by the number on the scale today and my slowly diminishing muffin tops I'd say I've lost between 5-10 pounds so far?

Day 11 (Monday) - YO I'M STILL BLOATED. I don't know why!! I suspect hazelnuts and maybe cinnamon but even throughout this process when I haven't been eating those things I've been bloated! My one desire going on this cleanse was to be bloat free and I am not close to being bloat free! I do not know what to do! I will say though, the smoothies I made today came straight from the Clean Program website and they tasted so good to me!! I feel like that's how you know you've made it, when smoothies made out of carrots taste good lol *cool sunglasses emoji*.

My days started to look all the same so I didn't revisit my draft til the week was over....

Day 15 (Friday) - How's this for a week two review?

Bloating - Still got it. I think my immune disease is still being triggered by something I'm eating although I only have a faint clue as to what it could be (coconut?) I'm a little upset because I'm avoiding the things I know I should avoid (gluten and sugar) and yet still not feeling 100%.

Energy/skin - These are the same as they've always been! Blogs I've read about others' experiences with the program have said by week 2 they have more energy, sleep sounder, and are seeing clearer skin. Now, I know Comparison is the Thief of Joy, BUT what the poop.  I wish my body would do what its supposed to:/ I feel like my stomach is set on being unhappy with whatever I eat. Hhhhgnngggghhhhh.

I feel like next week I should post some pics of the delicious food I'm eating. I do have to say, my taste buds have adapted to my new diet quite nicely and veggies and fruits are tasting quite delicious. I woke up this morning craving hummus! That was a new feeling. 

Clean Program Report Week 1

Once upon a time, my sophomore year of high school, my dad talked me into trying this cleanse with him. It was piloted by Dr. Alejandro Junger and is called the Clean Program. Here's a simple breakdown of the cleanse's stipulations: 

• 3 weeks.
• Liquid breakfasts (smoothies or soup) for breakfast and dinner. One solid meal per day (lunch). 
• 12 hours in between dinner and breakfast the next day.
• No sugar, coffee, alcohol, gluten, dairy, corn, beef, pork, bananas, strawberries, white rice, honey, soy, nightshades etc.

After three weeks of this, your gut/body is supposed to be reset. Your skin is supposed to glow, you're supposed to have more energy, feel lighter, and then reintroduce foods back into your diet to see if your reborn stomach can handle them or not. 

Now, if you go to the Clean Program website, you can buy a Clean Program kit that comes with protein powder for shakes and supplements, but I'm not into dieting as a capitalistic industry?? If that even makes sense?? I do feel like Dr. Junger's no-no list includes juuuust enough foods that it almost forces you to be dependent on buying their products for support. But I'm a stubborn lady and knew I could do this on my own for less than their $500 package.

When my dad and I tried this cleanse back when I was a sophomore, we only did it for a week and I felt great afterwards! I've always thought about trying it again, and due to pandemic-induced circumstances, I thought now would be a good time to give it another go. 

Going into the cleanse I was a little scared because on several occasions I've tried to go two weeks without sugar and have never been able to make it past a week. I'm already gluten free so I wasn't worried about that, but the cravings for other foods!! Wasn't too worried about coffee or alcohol though. For religious/personal reasons I don't do that stuff. But the other stuff. I was so nervous. But also excited. I know I should avoid sugar and have been suspecting I'm sensitive to night shades... so I said a lot of prayers going into this week. Now, a week has elapsed. I've stuck to the cleanse more or less... full disclosure: I've ingested a couple items of food on the no-no list, but just as ingredients in other food (e.g. canola oil in my Trader Joe's vegan ranch, red pepper and pork casing in a CHOMP turkey jerky stick, banana in my Jamba Juice smoothie). Some of these slip ups were accidental. Some were on purpose because food options at the time were limited (sometimes I don't have time to pack a lunch before work and then am left with what's at Trader Joe's. Cause that's where I work.) I haven't beat myself up too much about said slip ups and hopped right back on the bandwagon afterwards!

ANYWAY. Here's what's gone down the first week of my Clean Program trial:

Days 1-4 (Friday-Monday) - Honestly not much to report. I started getting momentum making recipes I'd gathered beforehand and getting myself a good stock of leftovers:) (I LOVE LEFTOVERS) I did notice that I was bloated consistently, and tired more often than not even though I was getting an extra hour or two of sleep each night. I usually get 8 and I was getting between 9 and 10. Sunday, we did have family over for dinner and I easily modified the menu to fit my dietary needs! Success!!!

Day 5 (Tuesday) - I was tired and fatigued and all that jazz in the morning, but that didn't stop me from going on a hike in 95+ degree weather *exasperated emoji*. I ended the day with a massive dehydration headache. I chugged 1.5 bottles of water before bed and ended up having to go to the bathroom at 2:00am. That was fun. I still woke up with a headache. The good news is, I went out for ice cream with my hiking buddies after the hike and I abstained from ice cream!! Ice cream + friends is usually recipe for a slip-up for me, but when we were at the ice cream place I could already feel my headache coming on and I figured adding sugar to the mix would only make me feel worse. And my friends didn't even give me any grief about it (that's how you know they're real friends *winking emoji*). Another side note; my I consumed, perdón, I mean drank my dinner suuuuper late. Because we got back from hiking so late (it was a 2 hour drive there and back) I wasn't able to drink it until after 10:00pm . I wanted to make a smoothie at home, but my family goes to bed pretty early. My dad said smoothie making hours end at 9:00pm unless my littlest brother was okay with me making a smoothie later. My littlest brother gave me the ixnay over text on making a smoothie at 10:30pm, so I made an emergency stop on my way home from hiking at a local grocery store. After perusing their juice section, the only kosher smoothie for me was a C-boost smoothie made by Bolthouse Farms. IT WAS SO SWEET. It was made from ingredients on the good list, but they were all fruit juices from concentrate and MAN. Who knew taste buds could change over just a 5 day period? 

Day 6 (Wednesday) - I woke up with the same ol' dehydration headache from the day before. I drank 5 bottles of water probably before 11:00am. My headache was still there! I wanted to avoid taking ibuprofen, but ended up taking some right before work, because I knew work would be miserable if my head was pounding the whole shift. At work I started eyeing our display of mixed nut butter in a way I never had before and knew that my body was craving P R O T E I N. So I satiated those cravings with some Chomp sticks and cashews at dinner at work. I had been planning to eat a liquid dinner, but felt sooooo much better after getting some protein in me. Even if some of that protein was tainted with a pork casing and red pepper *eek emoji*. 

Day 7 (Thursday) - Felt more bloated than usual and a tad gassy. Planning on investing in vitamin supplements tomorrow. B12, D3 and Milk Thistle *thumbs up emoji*

Overall - I haven't craved sugar or other no-no foods as much as I thought I would. Making my own meals is easier than I thought it would be (not in a financial way, but in a physical way.) I still have bloating, which is a bummer because that's the number one thing I was hoping to lose during this cleanse. I think my skin is clearing up? It was very much the same for the first 5 days, but day 7 I started noticing maybe some improvements. More than anything, I feel like I've learned to listen to my body more. I can tell better when I actually need a snack or when I just want to eat when I'm bored. I can tell when my body needs protein or water etc. etc. etc. ALSO. I have this condition. Eosinophilic esophagitis is what it's called. Long story short: my throat constricts when I eat my trigger foods: gluten or sugar. And it usually makes a sound when it happens. My throat has made no such noises, I've had no acid reflux, and it's been so easy to swallow everything I've eaten! WIN!

Helpful Resources -

• Blogs written by bloggers who have blogged about their experience on the Clean Program. I just google "Clean Program blog" or "Clean Program review" and a whole slew of results come up.
• Articles like this providing the voice of dissent.
• Pinterest (for Clean Program approved recipes. Here's my Clean Program board.)
• My cousin Emily's blog. Her chocolate brownie hummus recipe HIT THE SPOT today. I just subbed the maple syrup for date syrup and was good to go *thumbs up emoji*
• My two years worth of Trader Joe's product knowledge from working there. They have made eating Clean without cooking toooo much way easy. My favorite products from them thus far: brown rice tortillas, brown rice pasta, vegan pesto, vegan ranch, green goddess dressing, all the produce, sparkling coconut yuzu drink, nut butters, veggie root chips, freeze dried mango, dried just mangos, hummus, mango fruit leather buttons, frozen cauliflower rice, protein powder and much more!! I'M IN LOVE WITH TRADER JOE'S AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT *heart emoji*

Wish me luck on week two *peace sign emoji*

Dear Blog, I'm Back!

 What have I been up to in the past 4 years you may ask?

Well.

After finishing a r o u g h freshman year at BYU, I left on an LDS mission in October 2016. 

This gal had no idea what lie in store for her

I was called to speak Spanish in the Florida Orlando Mission by President Thomas S. Monson. While I served there from December 2016-April 2018, I saw miracles, had my heart changed, developed a love for humidity and Caribbean/Latin food, met some of the best people, and drew closer to God and Jesus Christ.

My mission changed me and I think about it every single day. 

Truth be told, if you had asked me on the last day of my mission if I wanted to come home I would have said no! I still feel like that most days. I ask myself, "Why did I come home from my mission?" and then make myself come up with an answer. On my mission my sense of purpose was so strong, no matter what I did I felt I was making a very important difference in the world. I felt valued, heard, and supported by all the people I was surrounded. Being home, I felt a little less of all those things. But, there's many things I learned on my mission and one of those things was that I AM NEVER ALONE. (According to this blog, I evidently learned that my junior year of high school too, but I seem to forget this truth from time to time.)

This girl LOVED her mission and is never alone

So why did I come home?

On my mission, whenever I'd dream about home, I'd think about... 

• my family
• the Hale Center Theater Orem and all my coworkers there
• trying new restaurants (specifically Puerto Rican, Dominican, and Venezuelan ones in Utah. Turns out they're not as common in Utah as they are in Florida)
• listening to music I wanted to listen to
• being able to exercise as long as I wanted to
• going to the temple as often as I wished to

So yes, since I've been home, I've enjoyed the presence of my family. I have a better relationship with my brothers than I did before I left, although we still have a loooong ways to go until we get along 100% of the time. I got my job at the theater back a couple weeks after I left, but upon returning didn't feel like I should work there anymore. Coming back I felt like I had progressed so much more in 18 months than the theater and its people had. And I didn't feel like I would be able to progress anymore if I continued to work there. So I found a new job, at Trader Joe's! More on that later? As for new restaurants, yeah there's a stunning lack of good Caribbean food in Utah. That's all I'll say. There's some good pupusa, Mexican, and Peruvian places, but I'm craving tostones, maduros, arroz con grandules, y arepas! Florida changed my heart, but I guess it also changed my taste buds. And all that music, exercise, and temple attending I wanted to do, yeah it's been nice to have some increased flexibility as to what I choose to do and when. But the old music I used to listen to doesn't hit the same. The exercise isn't nearly as fun when you don't have a companion to do it with, and the temples are closed right now. The temples are still great though. Just driving past them sometimes is a tender mercy.

The sustaining force that has kept me sane as I've been home over two years now is God's love (duh). I usually see it through other people. The other missionaries that came home the same day I did were a tremendous support system for months after our arrival home. My coworkers know how to listen empathetically and have fun. I roomed with my cousin for a year after coming home and she was also great support. When I don't see God's love through other people, I see it through sidewalk pennies, and the energy it takes to get out of bed each morning.

This girl is not going to stop climbing literal and metaphorical mountains. She's not gonna stop trying because she knows God is on her side and is going to not only help her get through each day, but consecrate her trials and afflictions for her good (2 Nephi 2:2).