Humor [LDS Version]

So I found this site... funnymormons.com Some of the stuff on there is pretty funny... other times I don't even blink. But then there was a reference to overheardintheward.com SO funny. Here are some of the best  (IMO)


Primary teacher: Run to the throne, not the phone. What does this quote mean?
Child: Run to the bathroom?


Bishop: Our sacrament hymn was chosen by Sister Jones, but she isn’t here today and we don’t know that song, so we’re going to sing something else.


Primary teacher: Where do we learn about Jesus?
5-year-old boy: Nevada!
Primary teacher: Okay, where else do we learn about Jesus?
5-year-old boy: American Fork!


Beehive: It’s weird because in Utah everyone is Mormon, but here, everyone is lesbian.
Beehive’s sister: LUTHERAN! Not lesbian! You’ve got to stop mixing those two up!
(That one makes me laugh really hard)


Son: Hey, Mom, can we have some of those, what are they called? Mexican waffles? later?
Mom: You mean English muffins?
Son: Oh yeah, those.


Elders quorum president: When you visit those you home teach you want to recognize their spiritual pulse. Do you know what I mean by spiritual pulse? … Wow, I just saw five of you check your pulse.


18-year-old YW on Mother’s Day: Well… I’m kind of not so excited to be in Relief Society. It’s not that I don’t like you as people. Each of them are really cool and they are great individuals but all together as a whole, well, you’re scary. Really.


Congregation: [Raises hands]
13-year-old girl: Yay! It’s anonymous!
Mom: Honey, it’s unanimous.


Mother explaining Easter and resurrection to a 4-year-old: So even though He was dead, and His body was buried, He came alive again!
4-year-old: So then He was a zombie?


RS Teacher: Today we are going to talk about President Uchtdorf’s most recent conference talk. I love President Uchtdorf because he is just so easy to listen to.
RS Sister mumbling: He’s pretty easy to look at too.


Grandmother speaking in church: Is my talk that bad Drew? He’s my grandson and is starting to fall asleep.


YW President: Have you all ever felt a burning in your bosom as it said in the scripture?
Young women: [chuckles]
YW President: Do you know what a bosom is?
Young women: Your butt?


Sunbeam teacher: Who knows what the three wise men brought baby Jesus?
3-year-old sunbeam: Oh I know! Gold, Frankenstein, and Smurfs!


5-year-old singing Home On The Range: Where Zelda is heard a discouraging word


Primary teacher: Do you happen to have a glove?
Primary president: Yes, actually I do. Are you impressed? How many people do you know that have a glove in May?!
Teacher: when I was primary president, I always carried a glove. Ha.


17-year-old YM: Will you go get 5 sets of The Bible? We need them for class.
16-year-old YM: The Bilbe? We don’t beleve in the Bible.
17-year-old YM: Umm… Yeah we do…
16-year-old YM: we do?


Substitute primary teacher: Can anyone tell me who gets the Priesthood in our church?
CTR 6 girl: The dudes.


Bishop: So I can never remember the names of all these different styles kids have now a days—so I make myself little reminders. Like when I see an emo kid I say, “I just found an emo!” You know like nemo, without the n!


Sunbeam teacher: So Avery, what would you like to be when you grow up?
Avery: A squeedo.
Sunbeam teacher: Like a mo-squito?
Avery: Yeah, a squeedo.


Primary teacher: Does Jesus really live again?
Child #1: No.
Child #2 lightly smacking his friends arm: Ah, he was resurrected dude!